Postpartum Part Two

Postpartum life really sucked, especially the second time. I was overly vocal about how dark and dramatic those weeks were for me. I could not say enough times or use enough angry words to express it. I didn’t just have postpartum depression, I had postpartum rage. My husband and I became crazed humans, desperate for relief. I didn’t write about it while it was happening live and now it’s a fuzzy memory so I won’t be able to capture the real feel of it. Maybe that’s for the best – it was ugly. Sometimes we were in awe of our newborns but most of the time we really regretted having more children. Life with our toddler was great and we felt that the twins ruined everything and then we felt badly about blaming them. Obviously this was entirely our doing but we didn’t expect twins! There was just too much anger and guilt. The kids were so demanding that I don’t know how we could have managed juggling everything without support from our family and friends. Honestly I sometimes thought my heart would stop due to stress. There’s that phrase: it takes a village to raise a child. I have no idea what it really means but I feel like it should mean that parents with newborns need help, and the whole village better come over to help, and to check our vitals. Our friends and family were amazing – they were our village. To sum it up, the first couple of months were loaded with fatigue, anxiety, and rage. Then the following couple of months there was still all that but in smaller doses. By the time the twins were six months old, we were having giggle parties in our family room. I knew the good days would come; it was just so wretched waiting for them. A good friend came over the first week we brought the twins home and she said that things will get easier, then they will get really hard, and then they will be great. At the time I wanted to kick her out of my house because, well, I was just constantly angry and didn’t want to hear the middle part of that sandwich. She was totally right, though. I can even recall the exact day of relief. One day just before they turned 8 weeks, the heaviness lifted. It seemed like the twins and I, we just calmed down. There was still work ahead but life felt lighter. Now there’s no more fatigue, anxiety, and rage. We aren’t exhausted, we just get tired. We aren’t anxious, just impatient sometimes. We may get annoyed, but not so angry anymore. Do we miss sleeping in on Saturdays and watching movies of our choice all day? Would we like to not clean up so much vomit and poop? Do we want our freedom back? Yes, yes, and yes. But do I have thousands of pictures and videos of them basically doing nothing more exceptional than chewing their toes or licking the floors? Sure do! And did I buy an external hard drive to free up storage space on my phone so I can load it up with more of the same? Sure did! We can’t get enough of our freedom thieving stinky little chubby boys.  Does it help that all parents think their babies are the cutest on the planet? It most definitely does.