No Bad Moms Here Part One

I can only speak for myself but it seems like most parents I know were taught the same things for how to take care of a newborn baby. We are all schooled by nurses, doctors, the internet, and our own moms. We get home with a plan: feed baby every two to three hours, change diaper at feeding, give bath every two days, check back of neck to see if they feel cold or hot. Is it just me or did everyone else need to be shown how to bathe an infant? The nurse taught my husband at the hospital and in turn he showed me at home. And then he never showed up for bath time again. He’s going to be so mad I wrote that. Fine, he almost never showed up again. He critiques my posts before I publish them. Ha! Wait until the one where I roast him about movie date night. I’m just going to put that one up sans critique and he can read it at the same time as my fourteen followers. Well, it’s thirteen because I’m actually one of my followers. Let’s move on. When I was preparing for my first baby, my mom asked me if I had enough onesies. Yup, I had tons, and I showed her. That was when I learned that onesies and pajamas aren’t the same thing, and that I had zero onesies. Amateur! Anyway that stuff is irrelevant because no matter how much I prepared, I ended up getting schooled by the most demanding, tiring, moody, and unpredictable person of all. No, not my mom –she’s not like that, you guys! My newborn baby schooled me. After having some experience with my own baby, and then a couple of more, I can take everything I’ve learned and write my own book. That book would only apply to my household. I wouldn’t hand it to my friends and be like Listen, just bathe your babies only once a week or It’s okay to let them cry for long periods of time, it won’t screw them up later or Don’t worry about them sleeping in poopy diapers, rashes come and go or Hold them down and flush their snotty noses with saline water no matter how harsh you think it is or how much they suffer through it – show those boogers who’s boss. My book wouldn’t be full of wise and good advice necessarily, it would basically describe days loaded with mash-ups of loud noises and foul odours, yet run like well-oiled machines. Never mind how I got from morning to night and never mind feeling guilty about baby-related details like cradle cap or eczema or baby acne. I have two goals for them: to grow and be loved. In my book, if your babies’ growth is your main concern then there are no bad moms here. Obviously, you’re going to love and cuddle them along the way because, um, they are the cutest. And if you’re grumpy and tired much of the time then you’re probably doing everything amazingly. It’s really time to start tooting. Your horns, that is, not the other kind. But let that out too. It’s important. Babies really teach you that.